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#1 2007-11-12 17:45:47

botheredme
Member
From: cotabato city
Registered: 2007-11-12
Posts: 52

what will i do???

i have this friend from college, we havent communicated for six years...and i found out he's in singapore working..we regained communication when he messaged me in a website where i have an account. that was last march of this year. and since then, he's been calling me, we chat, and exchange thoughts. one day he said he's been looking for me since our last meeting(that was months after graduation-2001). and said he's long been wanting to court me but he just cant because of some reasons..and he thought he will do it when the right time comes. and he said "i guess this is the right time"..he meant we're both single, we have jobs and we're mature now..and yes, right time for him came after six years, long enough huh? so now, he said he doesnt wanna court me in chat or email or fon calls..he wanted to wait again til he'll be coming back here in the phils. and that is going to happen this month..our scheduled meeting is november 30..i came to realize, ive been looking for him too since our last meeting, and i think im eager and very excited too to see him again. now here's the catch, he confessed he's an Iglesia Ni Cristo member...and i just cant imagine myself convert to another religion..i dont know what to do..he's been giving me an overview of their religion and im getting the idea he really wanted to convert me if in case we'l be "it"...i now dont know what to do for my decision of getting into the relationship will be based on our issue-the religion...

Last edited by botheredme (2007-11-13 09:16:19)

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#2 2007-11-12 18:12:46

tjmonsi
Member
From: To the ends of the Earth
Registered: 2007-07-11
Posts: 1104
Website

Re: what will i do???

hi botheredme big_smile

Pls feel at home in this website big_smile

I do can feel you are also excited... but it's really true that this will be a very big issue if you push this true.

I'll just ask you a few things...
1. Are you willing to forgo your beliefs just for him?
2. Are you willing to erase your beliefs and take-on another belief point-blank and believe it?
3. What do you like about the guy that will make the relationship (that will eventually go to marriage) harmonious?

big_smile


Be blessed big_smile Spread the LOVE!!! Visit these sites:
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#3 2007-11-12 18:16:37

botheredme
Member
From: cotabato city
Registered: 2007-11-12
Posts: 52

Re: what will i do???

1st question, i dont think so..
2nd, i dont think i can..
3rd..i will later find out..
so hard though...

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#4 2007-11-12 18:24:50

joylderigay
Member
Registered: 2007-07-22
Posts: 1051

Re: what will i do???

botheredme wrote:

i have this friend from college, we havent communicated for six years now...and i found out he's in singapore working..we regained communication when he messaged me in a website where i have an account. that was last march of this year. and since then, he's been calling me, we chat, and exchange thoughts. one day he said he's been looking for me since our last meeting(that was months after graduation-2001). and said he's long been wanting to court me but he just cant because of some reasons..and he thought he will do it when the right time comes. and he said "i guess this is the right time"..he meant we're both single, we have jobs and we're mature now..and yes, right time for him came after six years, long enough huh? so now, he said he doesnt wanna court me in chat or email or fon calls..he wanted to wait again til he'll be coming back here in the phils. and that is going to happen this month..our scheduled meeting is november 30..i came to realize, ive been looking for him too since our last meeting, and i think im eager and very excited too to see him again. now here's the catch, he confessed he's an Iglesia Ni Cristo member...and i just cant imagine myself convert to another religion..i dont know what to do..he's been giving me an overview of their religion and im getting the idea he really wanted to convert me if in case we'l be "it"...i now dont know what to do for my decision of getting into the relationship will be based on our issue-the religion...

HI....WELCOME TO KFAMILY...

in your situation it's choosing between heart over mind or mind over heart. nakakaloka noh! kc alang conflicts, alang hassle kc ur both singles, matured may maayos na trabaho... yun nga lang it seems that religion is a big issue... i'll try to give you a possible scenario or situation... if you try to enter into relationship with him, tutal nde pa naman marriage eh! n cguro naman nde ka obligado to attend sa church nila. cyempre masaya kasi happy ang puso... kaso paano if you really fall for him na. dun na papasok ang problema... unless you've changed your principle in life regarding conversion.  (ang mahirap din kc masyado silang devoted sa religion nila) another scenario... kung talagang di mo kaya sa sarili mo na magpa convert, buti pa cguro ngayon pa lang e don't give yourself the chance to fall for him... mahirap kc broken-hearted ka rin in the end.  kung baga, ngayon pa lang...give up ka na kaysa sa lumaki pa ang possible problem na mangyayari... try to reflect for yourself and think of the possible scenarios n situation na mangyayari.  i understand kung para sa iba magiging makitid ang isip mo dahil because of religion e pinigilan mo ang sarili mo.  Just like you naging batayan ko rin yan.  kung di rin lang catholic, wag na lang kahit type ko pa cya kasi ayaw kong mamomblema pagdating ng araw, kc ayaw ng family ko ang iba ang religion. i had a cousin na talagang pinaiiral ang puso, so up to know nde pa rin accepted yung husband nya, which another problem di ba.buti pa hanggang maaga maiwasan na yung  problema na maaaring mangyari.  it's like jumping into conclusion. i just shared with you my thoughts... it's all up to you.  ask GOD to give you the discernment on what is the best thing for you to do.  i understand your situation...mahirap talagang ma-inlove... Good luck kapatid... GOD BLESS!

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#5 2007-11-12 19:00:27

tjmonsi
Member
From: To the ends of the Earth
Registered: 2007-07-11
Posts: 1104
Website

Re: what will i do???

Ok:D thanks for answering big_smile

Nangyari din yan sa akin... and it's a good thing hindi kami nagkatuluyan... kasi alam namin sa isa't-isa na hindi namin kaya na ipagpalit ang beliefs namin...

Grounded kami masyado e... and mahirap din in the future pag dumnating ang time when I have to meet their clan and she has to meet my clan... ok lang makipag-usap pero pag natanong na yung religion and stuff... nakow...

Well... I do hope you take into consideration yung mga sagot ko sa tanong mo, especially the 1st two... why?  because yung ugali niya will most likely be based on those 2... most likely lang naman...

I also have this feeling na nung pinapakilala ka nga niya sa INC beliefs e parang ine-evangelize ka na...

Hmmm... just think about it muna big_smile


Be blessed big_smile Spread the LOVE!!! Visit these sites:
Facebook page
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#6 2007-11-12 19:27:47

dacs
Member
Registered: 2006-11-21
Posts: 1358

Re: what will i do???

Hi, botheredme!

You have to have a 'self-diagnostics'.  Are you ready to talk about, expound and defend your Catholic faith?  Do you believe that INC members are heretics/schismatics/apostates?  Do you believe that one do not have to drink poison in order to know it is poison?  Do you believe that one who does not listen to the Church are to be anathematized (i.e., pronounced as a heathen)?

Religion is not about making rules or restrictions.  It is about us coming to God and binding ourselves to His Will.  If God willed the Church to exist and to be the pillar and foundation of truth out of His love for humanity, then it is not out of love for God that we test our fortitude against heresies, schisms and apostasy.

Freedom without bounds is not freedom but anarchy.  It is only through the rule of law that social man can truly be free.


"Inspire our actions, Lord, and accompany them with your help, so that all our activity has its beginning in you, and its fulfillment in you. Through Our Lord Christ."

Contact through:
catholic.apologist@gmail.com

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#7 2007-11-13 09:13:44

botheredme
Member
From: cotabato city
Registered: 2007-11-12
Posts: 52

Re: what will i do???

thanks to all your replies and for welcoming me here..i really am seeing a brighter scenario now..the battle of the heart and mind is really hard though i know i cant give up my beliefs, still im thinking of "what ifs"..hehehe..

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#8 2007-11-13 11:12:23

myonee
Moderator
From: Iriga City, Camarines Sur
Registered: 2006-10-11
Posts: 1263
Website

Re: what will i do???

hi botheredme! big_smile

welcome to the kerygma family forum. smile

i guess, we're of the same age (calculating from the year you graduated form college and all. lol)

anyway, i can relate with your story.. the being an INC member of the person "you like" thing. smile 

later, share ko sayo. haha... hiya ako eh. dami kasi nakakakilala sakin dito sa forum kaya hiya ako big time! big_smile
if you need to talk, my YM id is myonee. smile we can chat there, if you want to. smile take care! smile


When people around you are trying to pull you down, BE PROUD! It only means one thing: You are above them. wink

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#9 2007-11-13 12:22:50

clarissa
Member
From: New York, USA
Registered: 2007-01-13
Posts: 3790

Re: what will i do???

I’d like to share this with u... worth reading kahit mahaba... smile

There are 2 types of marriages: One that is perfect where couples live happily ever after & those marriages where the couples make it work.

The article is a great reading material in making your marriage work.

Partners and Marriages
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz



I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved.  But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage.  Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling.  Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me.  I did not want to make a mistake.  I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do.  Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other.

I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other.

I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples that somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence.  They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles.

It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible.  How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habit?  What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well.  There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility.  Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed.

It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset.  Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together.  It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail.  You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination.  Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.  This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts.

Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality.  But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other.  They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears.  They see each other at their worst and at their best.  They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible.  If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility.  One of these is laughter.  Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term.

If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world.  Laughter is the child of surprise.  If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other.  And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter.  Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour.  Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together. 

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect.  When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them.

They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world.  As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. 

If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can’t accept, you will inevitably come to grief.

Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life.  If that makes you love her more, your love will grow.  If it does not, be careful.  If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life.  We live on a cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic.  If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that  the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself.  We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny.  If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams.  From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well.  If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts.  I pick my words carefully when I speak of the miracle.  But I think it is not too strong a word.

There is a miracle in marriage.  It is called transformation.  Transformation is one of the most common events of nature.  The bees become the flower.  The cocoon becomes the butterfly.  Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child.  We never question these, because we see them around us every day.  To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make.  Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower.  We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.  If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good.  If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.  We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage.  It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger.  It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness.  Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion.  All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well.  Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things.  But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love.

Two histories intermingle.  Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them.  They remain separate, but they also became one.

There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I once feared.  This is not to say that there is no tension and there are no traps.

Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers.  Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken is somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one.  Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons.  It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation.  If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to  seek the miracle that marriage offers.  If not, then wait.  The easy grace of marriage well made is worth your patience.  When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom… endlessly


There are certain things in life that we have no control of.  Frameworks which are readily made for us...And because of our free will, we are accounted for on who or what stays in our lives.  Nevertheless, everything will always lead us to our very own purpose... our DESTINY.

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#10 2007-11-13 12:30:36

SoulSearcher
Member
Registered: 2007-02-06
Posts: 469

Re: what will i do???

botheredme wrote:

thanks to all your replies and for welcoming me here..i really am seeing a brighter scenario now..the battle of the heart and mind is really hard though i know i cant give up my beliefs, still im thinking of "what ifs"..hehehe..

hello botheredme. big_smile welcome!

you sound to be a level-headed person. thinking of the "what ifs" gives you a better pespective in making the best decision.

1. what if you eventually decided to be converted to the INC? what are its implication to your relationship, to you as a person or to your children in the future? how will manage the difference in religion?

2. what if you let go of him in favor of your personal convictions/beliefs? how are you going to resolve or maybe cope with the internal turmoil this decision brings?

3. what if you first delay your decision until you get a better feel and understanding of your compatibility with him? will you put yourself at a disadvantage when its harder to make a decision once you are already emotionally involved to the guy?

i guess these are some of the tough questions lingering in your mind. may you make the best decision for you and your friend. God bless!

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#11 2007-11-13 13:13:35

botheredme
Member
From: cotabato city
Registered: 2007-11-12
Posts: 52

Re: what will i do???

thanks po..yes, im still on the process of weighing things..your thoughts really helps...thanks mucho!

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#12 2007-11-15 11:09:30

prima
Member
Registered: 2007-06-19
Posts: 157

Re: what will i do???

hello bothered me....use ol ur resources to discern well...as for me religion/faith is one of the non negotiable issue pg dating sa pgdiscern ng makakasama sa buhay, meaning DAPAT preho kami ng pniniwala/affiliation....ask for the grace.....

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#13 2007-11-15 17:41:07

botheredme
Member
From: cotabato city
Registered: 2007-11-12
Posts: 52

Re: what will i do???

oo nga prima eh...pero mahirap mag let-go..thanks po..

Last edited by botheredme (2007-11-15 17:44:08)

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