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periwinklez wrote:

wala ako masabi ate..hehhe...paging mga kapatid na magaling magadvice..yun lang po maitutulong ko for now.haha!

ask for God's guidance.sana hindi ka masyado magmadali sa pagdecide baka mapilitan ka lang at sa huli magsisi.mas mabuti kasi yung papasok ka sa isang bagay na walang pagaalinlangan di ba ate?

wait lang po tayo sa mga advice ng mga experts..hehe!

hi girl.  i know what to do naman.  mahal mgpa-annul no! hahaha. mag-ipon muna sha. i'm just letting my heart out para mabawasan ang stress ko. haha.  thinking out loud kumbaga.

adj wrote:

pde mo naman siya bigyan ng chance sis.. sabi mo naman nakikita mo good qualities nya.. ngayon kung feeling mo you can't really get along with him, wag na. pero at least, try it. kase di natin malalaman kung magkiclick kayo o hindi, unless we try.. (we? nkisali daw ako o?hehe) saka 4months palang naman pala..

ung chance na sinasabi not necessarily means kelangang maging gf ka na, at least kilalanin mo man lang, be a friend. saka mo timbangin kung you're going anywhere. kung hindi man, at least, you've gained a friend pa din ang ending.. saka pray to God.

di kaya dahil opposite siya ni ex, kaya mejo di mo siya gusto sis? napatanong lang.

hi adj.  nice one, very relevant

actually, that's what i told him since I first met him.  I wanted to establish friendship because i want the feelings to grow naturally. problem is, he can't manage his feelings. pag comfortable na ako sa kanya, umaarangkada na naman sa kakulitan. masyadong assuming. nakikita ko sa mata nya, puso! di daw kase sya sanay manligaw kaya parang barbaric ang style nya. sa past nya, may makatitigan lang shang babae, gf nya na agad. para syang mag-sho-shopping ng gf/asawa na pag gusto nya, dapat maangkin nya na. it doesn't work yung style na paspasan sakin unless I really really really like the person.

everytime we are together, there's this pressure that I feel that I should reciprocate his feelings. i don't want to be mean talaga kase di naman ako dapat masyadong mg-maganda. i understand him din naman kase marrying mode na sya and he wants na before bumalik sha sa barko e kame na. hay naku talaga.  instead of kilig, stress ang nararamdaman ko.

si ex, swabe kase style nun and kahit yung iba ko pa din before. eto lang talagang si seaman ang barbaric style. kaloka.

Last edited by lostgabie (2011-03-09 03:33:31)

nova wrote:

Good luck sis on your discernment process. Don't forget to use your intellect, heart, values and faith while discerning. Alam mo na namang hindi madaling mag-asawa.

and at your age, wag kang magpapadala sa pressure... you're going to make a critical decision. Yes, life and death ito...

better be single forever than be miserable for the rest of your life.

God bless!

thank you sis. i need that

hi sis, im sharing you this article about getting married..

*****
The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on  "I get a warm,
wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm
wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".  Feelings have no
logic on their own.  They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they
need considerable assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life
with.  This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with
one  person.  You should be ready to share your life with this person.
This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you, and
go on vacation with you.  More important yet, this person will share your
children.  You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made
based  on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions.
The decisions have to be made on solid considerations. Remember to look
at the  "big picture".

Will this person be a good partner?  Is she mature enough to put her own
selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family?  Is
he prepared to be a good provider?  What is his track record?  Is he
responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?  How does this person
feel about love, commitment, and responsibility?

Do you ask yourself, "This person would be perfect if..."?   If you find
yourself doing that, or if that person is doing that to you, a
compromise needs to take place.  Do you ask too much from this person?
Does this person ask too much of you?  When you are in love, insignificant
perceived "imperfections" shouldn't matter.  If you want to change someone
into your "perfect mate" just realize that change doesn't happen
overnight,
and may take several years - if it even happens.  Ever heard of the
saying,
"You should love people for who they are, not what they can potentially
become"?

Does your mate love their family?  Does their parents approve of you or
vice-versa?  This is very important in Filipino culture, but extends to
anyone.  These people will be your future "in-laws" that you will spend
holidays with, family reunions, etc.  Also, if you feel that this person
was raised well, chances are, they will instill the same values in your
future children.

Will this person be a good parent?  Can you stand the thought of your
children turning out exactly like this person?  They will, you know.
Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up
many or most of their parents' character traits.  You had better like
your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your
children.

If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this
person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children?  This
is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration.  Not
everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around
the bed.

Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the
other parent.  If you feel that you would need to be around to correct
or lessen this person's influence on your children,then you are
considering
the wrong person.

Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children
so that we can mold them into the coolest, most popular people in school.
Our job is to get them to heaven.  To do that, we need to raise them
believing in God.  It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.
Saying "this is right and this is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy
until you are thirty-five" does not work.  Small children ask about eight
billion questions in a single day.  The answers to those questions go a
long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become.  Who will be
answering those questions for your children?

Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control?  Single
people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of
lifelong
sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be
tempted by other people.  Wrong!  There are many times in every marriage
when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable due to illness,
the last months of pregnancy, and travel.  There are also times when
spouses
just get on each others' nerves.  At times like this, other people can
seem
very appealing.  That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very
attractive people out there who are willing to make them available to
married men and women.  Do you want someone who has never said "no" to
sex?  If he
is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do
you want to worry about whether or not your spouse is being faithful?

These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with
all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.
Remember, people are not "security blankets".  Get to know yourself and
know what you want - because if you figure it out later, after you are
married with kids, you'll have a whole lot of issues to deal with besides
their character, personality, and physical flaws.

None of this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage
decision. You don't have to say to yourself, "Well, I suppose that you
would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly
like you I guess I'll marry you".  You need to be happy and excited
about the prospect of spending your life with someone.  Your brain however
must acknowledge that this person as a good catch.  You both will "know"
when you both feel lucky and thank God every day for each other.

Don't listen to your heart alone or your head alone. Wait until your
heart and head agree.

thanks peeps, by the way, here's my background in dating.  it has been a roller-coaster ride!

http://www.kerygmafamily.com/forum/view … hp?id=5618

Last edited by lostgabie (2011-03-10 21:44:38)

christine0829 wrote:

Hi lostgabie!

It's been a while since I have visited the forum and your story has really struck me. I was in a situation some years ago (although, I was only 22 then ). To be honest, give the man a chance because once he is back on board, you will certainly miss his presence and the feeling that someone is "making kulit" sa'yo. Makipagbargain ka sakanya, na try to work on a long distance relationship muna before plunging into married life. For example, sa 1 year nya na nasa barko at maging ok at steady ang relationship nyo, then go for it and take it to the next level. There's no harm in trying...at least you can say to yourself, you tried. If doesn't last, then it's not meant to be. Kesa naman sisihin mo ang sarili mo in the end na you didn't take the risk or at least try! Go go go! God bless you!

Hi Christine,

Thanks for sharing your 2 cents worth   You're right, mahirap ang what if's kaya I want to give him a chance nga rin. A friend of mine gave a similar advice kase alam mo naman tayong mga girls, gusto lage tayo sinusuyo and pag wala na tska naten hahanapin. Maaarte tayo! hahaha. I even stopped going out for a while just so I can discern.  I 'disconnected' myself from a big group na common friends namen ng ex ko which made me a homebody for a while just so I can think things over.  Another thing din siguro why I can't really try a new realtionship with this seaman guy is.....hmmmm, honestly, I feel na may unfinished business kame ni ex, walang closure. gulo ko no? But despite the no-closure thing, I really detached myself na since the year started and I want to focus kay seaman and move on. 

Not until last Saturday, there's a latest development.  Birthday ng common friend namen ni ex so I went to the party. I really don't have plans of going but I owe it to the couple who invited me kase super nice nila sakin.  Super close friend ni ex yun.  After almost 2 mos of not seeing my ex, we finally said our hi and hello and was comfortable laughing with the rest.  I don't expect to have the closure talk na kase It's been 8 mos now since we broke up and yun nga, I'm having my dilemna with seaman which I feel I need to focus on so I can plan for my life.  Yung closure kahit di na.

But then, all throughout the event, he was making moves which got me thinking again.  Hindi na kame close nun after the break up pero he was acting really weird.  So unlike him.  I guess he heard the news through friends about kay seaman who wants to marry me kaya siguro ganun yun.  The day ended and what made more confused was, he suddenly kissed me when we parted ways but when I asked, he turned away again.  Hindi pa rin kame nakapag-usap. Nalito na naman ako but I must admit, kinilig ako.

Oh my gulay! hahaha now, that IS really COMPLICATED! But, I think, it's all in your hands now. "It's your call" sabi nga nila... Maybe this time you really have to choose with what you are faced with. Mahirap yan kase feelings ang pinag uusapan and its not like you are highschool students na mala-puppy love lang, di ba..hehehe.  Its really your call, the decision is yours. Deal with your ex, deal with whatever unfinished business you have and give seaman a chance OR be stuck with your ex OR focus on a possible new love story with seaman...Its all up to you. Goodluck!!!

@lostgabie: ano na po nangyari... inaantabayanan ko to ehh.. (parang telenovela) hehehe!!! joke lang po.. kc po medyo nakakarelate ako ehh.. Godbless po!

cherry.blossom wrote:

@lostgabie: ano na po nangyari... inaantabayanan ko to ehh.. (parang telenovela) hehehe!!! joke lang po.. kc po medyo nakakarelate ako ehh.. Godbless po!

@cherry.blossom: natawa naman ako dun! hahaha. di pa rin kame nakakapag-usap eh, hopefully this weekend i'd be able to talk to ex casually.  I just want to let my thoughts be heard about what happened kase it's really a nagging thought on my part.  Reconciliation is not something that I am hoping for now but at least maging civil man lang kame everytime we'll bump into each other coz we really have a lot of common friends and I think, i really owe an explanation from him. 

as for seaman, he is still there and because of the incident with my ex, I am beginning to see his good side and appreciate him better.  i'll be seeing the 2 this weekend through our common friends' events and I just pray for wisdom and courage to deal with these issues because I feel that whatever outcome will come from it is a critical decision on my part.

so help me God

it's been a year now and i have never learned to love him.  just the thought of him irritates me.

rhy wrote:

lostgabie wrote:

it's been a year now and i have never learned to love him.  just the thought of him irritates me.

seaman???

yes sis. back then a part of me thinks that I still feel for my ex that's why i was holding back for seaman.  but it's been a year already since we first met and i have never learned to love him.  I tried but I failed.  I gave all the chance that I can give but I just felt more bad about myself.  He is pushing all the wrong buttons.  He could be an easy escape for me to change status and not fear of growing old alone.  But just the thought of him is giving me nightmares.

Time is not on my side.  I am 35.   I am still alone and I fear growing old alone.  I hope I can finish this race strong

cha0819 wrote:

lostgabie wrote:

as for seaman, he is still there and because of the incident with my ex, I am beginning to see his good side and appreciate him better.  i'll be seeing the 2 this weekend through our common friends' events and I just pray for wisdom and courage to deal with these issues because I feel that whatever outcome will come from it is a critical decision on my part.

so help me God

hi sis! what heppened? bakit naging nightmares? bakit naiirita ka sa knya? heheeh ang daming bkit! i thought okay ka na, and we are hoping na your getting there na. Db sabi mo you see good side and appreciate him, den howcome he became a nightmare?

Hi sis.  Di ko kase kaya kakulitan nya.  Nakaka-pressure sya kasama and kahit nasa barko sya, ramdam ko kakulitan nya. It's like he is thinking with his balls and not his head.  Alam mo yung kulit na nakaka-asar na?  Parang stalker na. Ganun.  Yung tipong lahat ng gawin nya dapat may kapalit.  Eye on the prize sya.  And habang nice ako sa kanya, lalo sya lumalala.  What's worse is kahit sigawan ko dahil sa kakulitan nya, okay lang sa kanya.  How can you spend the rest of your life with someone you can't even respect and doesn't even respect himself?  God knows how much I tried

I feel that I am in the middle of a crisis here. Sigh!

Last edited by lostgabie (2011-11-22 21:03:52)